Goodbye Lycos
That's it. I can't take it anymore. The popups, the not letting me on this site to update. It's over between us Lycos, I hope you're happy.

You can find me here now:

http://gracielaura.blogspot.com/

Don't hate me. It just wasn't meant to be.

Job!
Wahoo!

I went on an interview today for a position that my sister just quit to go to another company, and they called me 2 hours after I left my interview to tell me they were offering me the position! Yay!

I start Jan. 3rd, and will be making more money than I've made at any job before. That's a load off, I feel much better. And, I think weight things will fall into place once I'm back on a normal schedule (or any kind of schedule at all) again. Excuses, excuses, I know, but it's so much easier to do more things when you already have stuff to do... having nothing going on makes it hard to do anything at all. It's easier to keep going on momentum rather than trying to keep starting anew every day, I guess.

Also, I sent in my grad school applications, so hopefully I will find out about those (and make a decision) relatively soon so that I'll know what I'm planning on doing next fall. Ahhh, it's relieving to have things done/moving in the right direction.

Working out and eating right have not been going in the right direction. Holidays are hard with my family, especially while I'm living at home... My mom is great at baking, and she makes stuff ALL THE TIME. It's so hard to resist, so I don't, and then I feel like crap... You know how the cycle goes. I'm just trying to ride this out until after the New Year and then try to keep doing things better. I am actually going to sign up for a couple of classes at the local park district so I can start actually HAVING FUN exercising again. I'm trying to rediscover the joy of sports and group activities, I'm really looking forward it!

So, here's hoping that the new year, new job, and new activities will bring about some good changes and positive experiences soon. I can't wait.

Putting Life on Hold
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: King of Queens
Well hello there!

I haven't been here in awhile; I think I'm getting sick of tripod, it keeps not working. Oh well.

Anywho, here's the updates: I don't have a job right now, my temp job ended (as a result of my ending it) last Wednesday, so I'm sort of just chillin around for now. My sister is leaving her job in a week or so because she got a better one, so she's going to try and hook me up with her old job. It pays more than I ever made before, it's close, and the hours are 10 to 7, which she hated but would be perfect for me right now. So hopefully that will work out in the next few weeks or so.

I also was getting cortisone shots in my foot because of it's never-ending swelling. I got one, and the scar tissue reduced a lot, so I just saw my doctor today and he said that we're going to wait on giving me another one (thank God!) and just see what happens over the next couple weeks. What this means for me is that I can start working out again. I wasn't allowed to for a few weeks because he was afraid that with the cortisone being that close to the actual tendon and bone, there was a risk of the tendon rupturing. Now that it's absorbed (and I don't have to get another one, at least for the time being), I'm good to go. I still can't run yet because it hurts, but I'm really hoping to be able to work back up to that. I think working out was helping anyway, since it was stretching the tendon out regularly and for long periods of time, which doesn't really happen otherwise except while I'm walking.

Anyway, point being I'm getting back to being able to do stuff, so that's exciting. I'm really interested in doing some classes at the gym I go to; I think it will help me beat the boredom of constant elliptical hell. There are a lot of water classes and land-based classes, and there are yoga/pilates classes that I really want to take. The new session of stuff starts January 7th, so whee for that!

I am still struggling with my eating... I can't really figure out why. I think it's because I am really bored at home. I need to find some stuff to do. It's a double edged-sword though: when I'm really busy, I don't overeat, because I don't think about it, but then when I do remember/have time to eat, I'm not prepared with healthy foods. I hope I figure this out sometime, it seems like it's going to be this hard forever.

I've also realized something lately; I seem to be "putting my life on hold" until I get the body I want. Like, I won't dye my hair lighter beacause I want it to be a reward for when I meet my goals (which is good - goals, rewards, etc.), but since I'm not reaching my goals, I'm constantly denying myself things because I'm not "thin enough." I am making a very conscious effort to change this, as I think it's contributing to a mindset that says I'm not worth taking care of if I'm not thin enough yet. I don't want to feel that way anymore, and I think if I can try to move past this, then maybe I really will be able to reach my goals. Oddly enough, I think it's this thinking (no rewards until final goal is met) that has caused me not to reach my major goals. I've felt like I'm not worth it, and I think if I can really start to feel like I am worth all the things I want regardless of my weight, I might find the motivation to change my body because I want to, not because I feel like I need to. Make sense? I hope so...

Alas
Well, no workout today. I called and the doctor's office can fit me in tomorrow at 2:30, which is great, but it's not really advisable to do anything differently than you have been when the pain started so that the doc can figure out what's going on (patterns, etc.) Tomorrow should bring some news though, and I'll probably be able to figure out what I can do then.

Time to go home!!! :)

Danger's My Middle Name
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: typity typity type
Man, I'm getting ballsy. Updating the blog at work... Ohhh, ahhhh.

Anyway, yeah it's been awhile, once again.

Although I was adamant about not taking any time off working out, I totally did. The last two weeks were so busy that I just did not make the time for it. No excuses, I'm to blame 100%. All I can do now is make it better.

The problem now is that my foot/leg are killing me lately, I don't know what's going on. My foot was feeling much better for awhile, but now it is terrible! I can't walk without limping, and every time I take a step, the nerves in my foot go crazy, and it zings all the way up the back of my leg through my thigh. Not good. I was supposed to have an appt. with my doc today, but it got pushed 2 weeks back because he has jury duty. Grr! I'm actually considering talking to my regular doctor about this too... maybe she'll know something. I'm sort of iffy about working out because I don't know if it will help or hurt at this point.

In other news, the last two weeks were very exciting in terms of making decisions about my life.

I took the GRE, which went very well, I got a 1320 (not counting the writing sections, I haven't gotten my "official" scores back yet), so I am not worried about getting into grad school now. As soon as I found out my scores and left the test building, I checked my voicemail and had a message from the crazy Abominable Snowman looking lady I interviewed with a couple weeks ago... Nope, didn't get it. Sure, I was a bit disappointed (mostly about the money), but I had just walked out of doing really well on this test, and I had been feeling lately like I'd be better off doing grad school full time (finishing in 2 years and having the chance to do an internship at a place where I might actually *gasp* enjoy my work) rather than making such a large committment to a job I wasn't sure I'd want to do in the long run. Don't get me wrong, I am disappointed, but I had already decided my backup plan would be to go to school full time, so it sort of seemed like a sign that I should since I found out those two things within minutes of each other.

Now I just have to finish applying to schools and decide what I want to do, haha! I also don't really know what I'm going to do after they make me stop temping at my current job... I want to waitress since that's the only non-committal high paying job I can think of, but I have to get this foot crap in order before that's a possibility.

But I digress.

In terms of fitness/nutrition, my new plan will center around BFFM/things found on global-fitness.com. I really want to start incorporating circuit training into my rotation, because I got seriously bored with the BFL workouts after 12 weeks. I want to be constantly using my time in the gym rather than sitting, resting between sets, for half of it. I read "Winning by Losing" by Jillian Michaels, and she has a 12 week program of different circuit training (mostly strength training) workouts, so I'll probably try a couple of those. Nutrition-wise, I'm going to keep trying to do the same things I was trying to do before. There is a LOT of room for improvement there, so I'm not changing the plan, just the consistency with which I do the correct things.

And I guess that's that for now.

Busy Bee
Oh my goodness, have I been busy!

I'm coming up here on the end of my first BFL Challenge, and while I haven't done perfectly in the food arena, I have not missed a single workout in 4+ weeks. In fact, the only workouts I missed during the whole Challenge were during the two weeks I did a low-carb thing, and even those two weeks I worked out three times. Yay! I think the total pounds lost will be just shy of 15, unless I can pull out two this weekend, but I doubt it. Body Fat % lost will be around 6 or 7 I think, but I'll have to check for sure on that. Overall, I'm pleased. I know I could have done better food-wise, but it's a continuous thing. I'm still working at it, and it will keep getting better. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do next, I haven't had a second to think in weeks. I don't want to go straight into another Challenge because I think I would get majorly burned out on the workouts. Maybe I'll take two weeks and just do whatever I feel like when I go to the gym (which I am NOT taking a break from; I have worked too hard to build this habit to take a "break" that will end up being a "stop"). Then after that I will get a trainer for about a month and see how that goes, and then take it from there. This is all very new, since I haven't decided anything. There are lots of things I could do, and want to do, but we'll see what I actually come up with for a plan. Hopefully I'll figure it out soon, too!

In other news, the reason I haven't been around in weeks is because, first, my birthday was last week, so I was all sorts of busy with that. It was fun, I saw lots of people and had good times. Ahh, being 23. Much the same as being 22. Strangely enough, the older I get, the more shit I get about my ID. I went out last night to 2 or 3 bars with a girl friend from work, and the bouncer at every club was asking me my address, etc., to see if it was really me. I don't get it!?!? I really don't look of age? I mean, I guess that's cool becuase when I'm 40 I'll still look like a freaking teenager! People at work kept guessing I was turning 19 or 20 on my birthday. Haha, I think it's funny. But it's not so funny when the possibility arises that I might not be able to get into bars! I think (and take satisfaction) in the theory that I was about 25 pounds heavier in the photo on my license, so I must look better in person. :) I'm going to have to get a new picture when I get to my goal weight, there's no way anyone will buy it then!

The other big thing that happened was regarding this job that I've been whining about wanting forever. I finally got a call from them Monday asking if I could come in for an interview Wed or Thurs this week! So, of course, I said yes, but I was totally freaked because usually you have a little more prep time! I went shopping on my lunch break Tuesday and Wednesday, and after work both days, looking for a nice black suit, but came up with 4 pairs of black pants and 3 black jackets that didn't match! Seriously, how do they make 498347562 different shades of black!?!?! So it was like 10pm Wed. night when I realized that nothing matched, and was freaking out more because every store was closed and I still didn't have a suit. Then, thank God, I remembered that my mom had a nice pinstriped Anne Klein suit from awhile back that she never wore, so I wore that one and it looked very nice. :) My project for today is returning all of that useless crap I bought! Anyway, I went on the interview Thursday and I think it went pretty well. The big boss is a really really strange woman: she wore a lumberjack-plaid (meaning, bright yellow, red and green) jumper-dress with a turtleneck under it, purple fingernails, and her crazy white hair. She was pretty unprofessional too, she answered a phone call in the middle of the interview and was drinking a pop and kept burping while she was talking. The worst part, though, was that she talked THE ENTIRE TIME! I was like, hello, don't you want to ask me anything about myself? I kept jamming myself into the conversation, though (I wasn't going to sit there and not talk about myself, it was my damn interview!), and she seemed interested when I was talking. She also said that my resume was "very impressive," so that's a good sign because I've heard she's not a very complimentary person. A girl who works there with her sat in on my interview becuase she did the job I'm applying for awhile back, and she said I did well, that I said more than anyone they'd interviewed so far (I guess the boss did the same thing to everyone), and that she was pulling for me to get the job. :) So, knock on wood, but I have a good feeling about it.

So those have been the things taking up my entire life the last two weeks, along with working out, working, and sleeping. It's been stuffed to the brim.

Oh yeah, and GO WHITE SOX!!! Hell yeah for the underdogs from the South Side! My family is SouthSide Irish to the core, so we're all hella excited about this. I really hope they win! Game one tonight, I'll be downtown watching it! :) Eff you Cubs fans, the Sox are where it's at!

:) !!!
Happy Birthday to Me!

Yay!!!

Fancy Meeting You Here
Yikes, I haven't been on here in awhile. I honestly have not had a moment to spare though. I've been really good with my working out (6 days last week, 5 so far this week), so I'm well on my way to my spa treat! Yay for me! Eating's been pretty good. It hasn't been the absolute best, but it's still great about 90% of the time, and I'm making good progress in terms of fat loss, so I'm happy. The next few weeks are bound to get worse eating-wise since my birthday is next week. I'm going to just try to ride it out and work out extra hard to counter the bad eating I anticipate. Ah well, life is what it is, right? My Express jeans are fitting already, so hopefully I'll be comfortable wearing them in public by my birthday. In any case, the goal is met because they fit on my body. :)

The last week has been very trying. There was a little scare with my sister's health (a stupidass doctor in the ER told her that her symptoms "most likely" indicated that she had MS. Um, yeah, the MRI she had to get because of that says her brain is fine. Jerk.) Anyway, that's been going on all week, so it's been scary; we just found out the results last night. We still don't know what exactly is wrong, but at least we know it can't be anything really serious since nothing is wrong in her head. I have a suspicion she might be diabetic because her symptoms are dizziness, blurred vision, etc., but I'm no doctor. She's going on a mini-vacation with her friend to Tennessee this weekend to relax, so that's good. Then she'll have to get back on figuring out what it is. Hopefully we'll know soon!

Let's see, what else? My job sucks; a girl in my dept. got a job in a different dept., so now they're making me do her job even though I don't get the actual title or the money (which is a lot more than the peanuts I make). It's very frustrating. I should be hearing something back from the job I applied for in Chicago sometime in the next couple weeks, though, so God willing, I will be out of here soon too. Then they'll be screwed because they won't have anyone to do her job. Good riddance, I don't give a shit.

I'm going out with some friends and Jason downtown this weekend for my birthday, so that should be fun! I'm so excited that it's the weekend, but also that the weekend is going to actually be exciting. Jason gave me my birthday present already, and it's great! It's a nice leather case for my laptop (that actually fits the widescreen I bought very nicely!) I really like it! Now if only I had somewhere that I needed to take my computer so I could use it, haha.

Then there will be family birthday stuff going on next week or the week after, then the actual day with Jason, then going out with high school friends, and then going out with a friend from work. Fun times all around for the next few weeks!

I guess that's all for now, I should go before my asshole boss comes over and finds me on the internet. I'm not exactly sure what the punishment for that will be, but I suspect it's similar to the guillotine. Ciao for now.

damn this day felt really long

The morning flew by, but the afternoon seemed to drag on forever. Ahh, work is over, though.

I'm going to my Dad's for dinner tonight and he promised to cook something healthy, so I'm excited about that. He's a pretty good cook, and going over there always means I don't have to do it myself!

Then I'm coming home and watching House, and then I am going straight to bed. I was so tired today, but it's a good thing! See, I'm so freaking tired because I got up at 5 and went to the gym and did my UBWO and my cardio for the day! Yippie! Massage and facial, here I come! I've already decided on what spa package I'll be purchasing... I better not screw this up now or I will be seriously disappointed! Now that I have my heart set on it, I need to have my "Signature Facial," "Signature Manicure," and "Swedish Massage" (all in one package, how awesome is that!!!)

Cardio wasn't that productive calorie-burning-wise, but I walked again, so it was still productive in terms of healing my foot. I got up to 4 mph today for 5 full minutes and did the rest between 3.6 and 3.8 for a total of 30 minutes. :D I walked last week too, just once, for a half hour and got up to 3.8 for 2-3 minutes, so I did better today. My foot has been feeling much much better this week, too. It started feeling better last week, and I feel like there's some serious progress going on. It almost doesn't hurt at all to walk anymore!!! I'll be back to running in no time. I'm so excited for that day, I think I will cry when I can finally do it!!!


I'm on week 9 of my Challenge, and I was going to take pictures on Monday (my week 8 pics), but obviously I forgot. Obviously. I don't feel like I've made enough progress to take them at this point anyway. I'm going to work my ass off (hopefully literally) for the next 4 weeks and then I'll post my pics again. I know it's lame to just do week 0, 4, and 12, but oh well. I don't want to get depressed if my week 8's aren't that good. Right now I'm trying to focus on continuing my good habits (since the last two weeks were very far from doing that) and feeling good. I think that my week 12 pics will reflect that; at least I hope so.

Frustration Central
Now Playing: Saturday Night Live
Well, I guess I will try to update for real this time since some people were making fun of my last one (ahem, Mary!) haha.

Anyway, yeah. I have been fucking up big time. It's really pissing me off. I didn't work out yesterday or today, nor did I stick with my low carb plan. I'm going back to BFL eating and I WILL do ALL of my workouts starting Monday. If, for the next four weeks, I do all my workouts, I've promised myself a facial and a massage. That oughta get me out of bed in the morning. I think going back to normal eating will help too... Low-carb makes me super tired (more so than normal, even), so I had a lot of trouble being at all motivated to go to the gym. It feels like crap, so I think I am finally remotivated to do it (or at least I'm fed up enough with feeling shitty that I'm not doing it).

I went shopping for a suit today and didn't end up finding one at all. I got a bunch of other stuff though, heehee! I saw a couple old friends at the mall, it was nice. We're going to get together soon for my birthday, so I'm excited about that. Going shopping is so weird... it's fun and I like getting new stuff, but I always get so depressed and I hate it because I feel so fat and disgusting when I'm trying stuff on. Shopping gets me motivated to go to the gym like nothing else. It feels like it's been this way for sooooo long too, and it sucks. I need to stop fucking around and seriously take control of this. No more whining, moping, being upset because of what I let happen to myself. I need to CHANGE it! And I will. I've been doing it, and I'm going to keep doing it until I get there.

I did buy this stuff while I was at Ulta called "Nibble No More" by Jessica, the nail stuff. I have a very bad, very strong habit of biting my nails; sometimes it's so bad I bite them past the top of my nail bed and they bleed/hurt/etc. I know it's gross, but it's just such a habit I don't even think about it. It's not really a nervous habit for me, I just usually do it because I cannot stand my nails being long (I think it's gross as hell), and I forget to clip them, so when I notice how long they're getting, I just bite them. Anyway, I don't like doing it, and I'm really trying to stop, so I got this stuff you paint on them that tastes really bad to discourage you from putting them near your mouth. I put it on as soon as I got home, and let me tell you, the stuff tastes TERRIBLE!!! Ohmygod, it is so gross I almost puked! The stuff they put in it is called "Bitter Cactus Extract." If I had to imagine what Bitter Cactus Extract tasted like, this would be it. It's seriously sick. And it doesn't leave your mouth for like 10 minutes! I don't think it's going to be too hard to stop biting my nails!

Some exciting news I got this week is that I have a job prospect in Chicago! I don't really want to commute, since I don't technically live in the city yet, but for the kind of money I'd be making with this job, it's totally worth it. I really really really hope I get it. It would actually be something I might kind of enjoy and know I would be good at.

If I get this job, which I have no idea when I'll find out if I'll even get an interview (but whatever, I can fantasize, right?), I've decided I'm going to get a trainer for a little while. I doubt I could justify spending that kind of money for a long time, but I could buy a package, I think, for a month or so. I have 4 weeks left in my first BFL challenge (although it feels like it should freaking be over already, gosh!), so I thought I'd do it right after that. I need a change from BFL workouts, I'm getting really bored with them since I can't do much cardio but the elliptical. I'm thinking a trainer could

A. Spice things up for a few weeks, and then I could go back to other stuff on my own.

B. Help me find things I can do without high intensity pounding on my foot.

C. Get me some real progress in about a month, which would keep me motivated to keep going to the gym during and after when I was training with them.

D. Give me some freaking accountability; Christ, I have been slacking off soooo much the last two weeks, and I know it's really going to take a lot from me to do what I'm planning on my own for the next month. I think it would really help me after that to have someone I needed to keep an appointment with.


So that's that. Especially if I get this job, I would actually be able to afford it while still making some serious headway on my credit card debt and my car payments. Please, please, please let me get this job!